Movie Review | Brüno

Okay, so I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry. My life involves a lot of very intense thinking, and it sometimes gets in the way of, you know, doing. It's a thing.

Anyway, Brüno is a movie about penises that I think very few of you will enjoy. Its occasional satirical brilliance is overshadowed by, well, penises. Nonetheless, I managed to write eight hundred words about it without once using the word "penis". Enjoy, and...

forgive my flagging attention

Movie Friday | Star Trek

It is in the event of films like Star Trek that I remember why I really like being a film critic. Obviously, there're the free, advanced screenings; but mostly it's because I have a venue for being expansive and analytical in an open forum, rather than just spilling the contents of my brain all over whoever is unlucky enough to ask, "What did you think?"

I really liked Star Trek, and though I don't necessarily know you, I think you'll like it to.

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Movie Tuesday | 17 Again (Chesapeake Family)

Permit me a moment to talk about how pretty Leslie Mann is.

She's really, really pretty.

She's in 17 Again, with some other people, one of whom is apparently quite popular with the youngsters. I review the film this week on chesapeakefamily.com.

(Apologies to Judd Apatow, who's having quite the life--lucky bastard.)


thanks for paying attention while i fumble and fawn

TV Review | Frakking Up Is Hard to Do: Battlestar Galactica's Series Finale

How could a show that was so gritty and challenging descend so quickly into bathos and implausibility? Have them go camping. Check out a few of my many thoughts on the Battlestar Galactica series finale at my new television blog Pan & Scan.


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Film Review | Race to Witch Mountain (Chesapeake Family)

My review of Race to Witch Mountain, late but not never. More cultural-criticism fun can be had at my new blog Pan & Scan, which focuses on the shrinking television wasteland. Check it all out.


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TV Review | Amateur Hour: Late Night with... who, again?

I and my friend Kristen have been working slowly (oh so slowly) on a new blog focusing specifically on television, and even more specifically on all the things we know about television that you don't. It's in its infancy, this media empire of ours, but so far we've set a little of our minds out on display, mine in the form of this critique of Jimmy Fallon's faltering go at Late Night.

More cocksure opinionizing to come.


thanks for splitting your attention

Movie Tuesday | Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Kick, punch... it's all in the mind. Read the review of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, then skip the movie. (Then read the review again, and a few others, and then maybe click on an ad or two. C'mon, I gotta eat.)

Comments will sweep the leg, Johnny.


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Movie Tuesday | Fired Up!

Fired Up! is not a cheerleader movie in much the same way that Scarface is not a cocaine movie. It may be that neither item is a subject, per se, but both are the prime motivators of the gluttonous heroes and the objects of single-minded, pathological and, at times, implausible consumption.

I don't have anything nearly as pithy to say in my actual review of the film; I just came up with that now. Oh, well.

Comments will tick tick tick BOOM go the fireworks!

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Movie Tuesday | Coraline

The last movie I saw in 3-D was Jaws 3, twenty-six years ago. Coraline was better. Read all about it at chesapeakefamily.com/Movie Reviews.

Also, check out Kristen Page-Kirby's clever-clever-clever review of He's Just Not That Into You. (My reduplication there is a sign of my lingering jealousy of anyone who can unclench and just wite a funny review. Okay, therapy over.)

Comments will be loved to death.

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Movie Tuesday | Inkheart

Up late (totally my fault) on the Movie Tuesday blog is my review of Inkheart.

Comments will be transported to a dream world of magic, Lazy-Sunday-style.

I'll be off next Tuesday. My editor and colleague Kristen Page-Kirby will be reviewing New In Town, starring Renee Zellweger--and believe me, I can't thank her enough for taking that one off my hands.


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Movie Tuesday | Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Back like a bad penny to the Movie Tuesday blog this week. This time out it's Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

That's right; this is my job.


Comments will drop the knife and back slowly away from the woman who stopped you mid-stride and tried to sell you hand cream.


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Movie Tuesday | The Tale of Despereaux

If you see only one politically conscious, soup-oriented rodent fable this year... you'd better hurry, 'cause this year ends, like, next Wednesday. To suss out your options, check out my review of The Tale of Despereaux on the Movie Tuesday blog at ChesapeakeFamily.com.

Comments will put the "boo-yah!" in bouillabaisse.

Have happy holidays.


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Movie Tuesday | The Day the Earth Stood Still

Up now on the Movie Tuesday blog is my review of The Day Keanu Stood Still.

Comments will teach the earth a valuable lesson, or some such crap.


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Movie Review | Australia

Here is my review of a hefty slab of poundcake called Australia. As Crocodile Dundee might say, it is not a knife--I just couldn't muster the energy necessary to articulately pan the thing. Tryptophan indifference, call it.

Comments will be spared the barbie.


thanks for paying attention (and special thanks to those who paid attention in person at my birthday thingie last night)

Movie Review | Bolt

My job requires that I take in several cute animal pictures a year. Bolt was cute, and it has a puppy, but the reason to go is the hamster. Read all about it on the Movie Tuesday blog. Also, check out Kristen's droll and insightful analysis of Twilight, admirably achieved from within a crowd of screaming fourteen-year-old girls.

Comments will beg the question, "Who's a good boy? Who's a good, good boy?" (They can't all be winners people.)


giving thanks for paying attention

Movie Review | Quantum of Solace

Bond, James Bond, has a movie, new movie, out--I've reviewed it on the Movie Tuesday blog.

Comments will be seduced and abandoned.


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Movie Review | Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa was kind of funny.

If you'd prefer a little elaboration, you may check out my review on the Movie Tuesday blog at ChesapeakeFamily.com.

Comments will be severely beaten by penguins.


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Movie Review | The Haunting of Molly Hartley (Chesapeake Family Magazine)

In the din and glow of exalted politcial change, it's hard to remember that movies were shown last week. It's even harder to remember when one of them was The Haunting of Molly Hartley. Here's my review.

Comments will rush suddenly into frame accompanied by a blast of atonal noise and a yelp of simulated fear.


And hey, look around. Whoever you backed, last night we won.


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Movie Review | High School Musical 3: Senior Year (Chesapeake Family Magazine)

I'm not sure what's worse, the grinning innocence of this latest installment of Disney's cheesy franchise, or the fact that I didn't hate it.

Kristen, my editor, and I tried something new this time: a tandem review, conducted on Gmail Chat and designed to take full advantage of the fact that we share a brain. I think it turned out pretty well (though my tone appears a little stiff--nerves on our first run, I guess). It certainly was a ton of fun, and I think you'll see more of this format on the Movie Tuesday blog in the future.

Check it out... and please chime in with critiques and suggestions--they're so helpful in fine-tuning this process for me.

Comments will JAZZ HANDS!


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Movie Review | The Express (Chesapeake Family Magazine)

Here's my review of The Express, the latest on the Movie Tuesday blog.

Comments will receive a 15-yard penalty for excessive celebration.

I'll be off next week; Kristen Page-Kirby will be reviewing The Secret Life of Bees. I'll return the following Tuesday, October 28, as Kristen and I join forces and steel our resolve to review High School Musical 3: Senior Year. (I just threw up a little.) Wish us luck, and...


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